I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
