please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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