The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
