you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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