a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
