the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
