I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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