i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
