Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
