my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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