haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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