I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
