for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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