The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
