Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
