How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
