It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
