My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
