The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
