Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
