You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
