bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
