I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
