i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I need water and some morals
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
