I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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