You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
