It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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