I think i sorta joined a cult last night
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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