did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
