There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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