I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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