There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize