Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
