I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
our cab driver is having phone sex.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
