It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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