i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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