I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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