On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
