does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
