omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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