I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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