It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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