all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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