Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
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