I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
