we're chasing vodka with high fives
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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