The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I just want nice things and good sex
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize