I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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