I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
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