is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
