Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
