If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
