didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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