my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
