I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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