A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
This show inspires me to have sex in space
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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