A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
