remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
