hotel room ftw
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
