She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
