At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
