Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
