I got chris browned last night
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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