Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
you mean i was at the winter classic?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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