Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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