I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
