I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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