New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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