I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
