all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
