I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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