i jhust puked up my retainher.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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