don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
