If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
You're like the curious george of whores
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
