The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
